Finally, I will say that some of the reasons I’m attracted to strippers has to do with how they got to dancing in the first place and who they intrinsically tend to be. I’m speaking in generalities here, but I’ve had in-depth conversations with dozens of dancers since I started going to the club. In fact, when I first started going I thought I would write a book about the girls’ stories. Sitting at the outside bar, I would usually ask any of the dancers who sat down to talk with me to tell me their story so I could write about it. Most of them had no hesitation telling me about their experience. Sadly, many of the stories are the same and the stereotypes are often true. Dancers usually come from a harsh upbringing of some sort and are broken. The psychiatric reasoning for working in the industry due to past sexual abuse was all too common. Many of them dealt with the same insecurities as I did, and to over-compensate, they utilize their newfound beauty to demand the approval they were never able to reap growing up. They use their sexuality to control their environment and to provide the authority over it that they never had before. Strippers are generally, at a minimum, somewhat wild and exciting. Given their profession, they are often social outcasts living on the fringe of what most call normality. For better or worse, I am attracted to these elements.
Ironically, most of the dancers claim that they were ugly growing up. When I would ask a stripper to tell me their story, I was always particularly interested in why they generally were not more successful in a mainstream ideal – why hadn’t they gone to, or finished, college, why didn’t they have a promising business career, why weren’t they happily married, etc. The reason I pondered this is because I’ve always felt that highly-attractive people, especially women, have an easier path to success. That the success is readily conditioned into such people at a young age via all the positive feedback – they get picked first for a group event, they always get asked out on dates, they are part of the popular crowd, they get all the attention they seek, etc. This too is probably where I get my objectification of attractive women. So in my mind, a gorgeous dancer’s inability to have progressed further in a more socially acceptable direction was curious.
I have an attraction to women with some grit, that are somewhat broken. I like to take care of others and to feel like I’m needed. I obviously identify with the strippers that felt insecure and unnoticed growing up. I certainly identify with being an outcast, feeling weird, and a disappointment. It is for these attributes that I see in myself, that I do not believe I can be with a so-called normal woman, especially one my own age. I don’t think it is possible for a proto-typical American woman to have any interest in someone like me despite my own established successes. I do not believe I am lovable or desirable to the ordinary woman. I just don’t fit into their ideology of a proper relationship partner. In my professional life, I do a reasonably good job masking who I really am. For the most part, I can hold a professional conversation, my relatively sociable, and speak with some intelligence. I know what the expectations are for a male my age and I fake that persona through my job all the time. I could not fake it in a relationship.
The reality is that I am personally an awkward, quirky, and reserved person. Few, if any, would think of me as a stereotypical American middle-aged man. Like I said, I still feel like I am in my early 30s. I’ve always been sort of boyish. Nobody would confuse me with being a “man’s man.” I can do manly things like fixing things around the house, yard work, and can generally resolve mechanical and technical problems. I’m mature in that I take care of my responsibilities, I work hard, and I am appropriately educated and knowledgeable. However, I still always feel somewhat childlike. Maybe because I was the youngest child out of five and was, and am, always treated as such. When I actually was in my twenties and thirties, I dated somewhat more conventional women. I do stress the word “somewhat,” as they still tended to be close to outliers of the social majority. I think most people do become more “normal” or conventional as they age, so finding a woman in my age group who would appreciate or tolerate my puerile and unorthodox self is increasingly unlikely. I do not usually even envision being in a relationship with a more traditional woman. I just do not believe it is possible with me. I feel like I am more compatible with the damaged, the depressed, or the unconventional and that they would be the only ones who would accept me. This commonality and relatability is also why I am attracted to strippers. Of course, they don’t have to be dancers, but it is so much more difficult finding and connecting with these types outside of a predictable locale like a strip club. There are plenty of strippers under one roof, one mile away from my house.